This might be one of the most smug fucking things I have ever seen…and this was only part one (of four). To merely say that this guy takes himself (and shaving) a little too seriously would be an understatement as large as Al Gore’s ego.
The thing I don’t get is how this guy has time to shave every morning considering how long it must take him to pull his head out of his ass after waking up from a night of smelling his own sleep farts. It looked like he was baking a souffle with all those ingredients … turns out he was just mixing his own special batch of douche and santorum to lather up his face, which I can only assume is composed of surgically grafted cowhide.
The wrists of all the emo kids in Southern California haven’t been touched by a razor blade as much as his face was in this 3 minute shaving video. I’m guessing this guy has to use his fingertips so much because he spends his entire life sitting on them while spinning trying to figure out a way to palm his own asshole.
Smug-guzzling douche-nozzle.
SMUG ALERT: People That Understand English But Refuse to Speak It
Chewbacca is a smug prick.
This asshole has been flying around as Han Solo’s co-pilot for over thirty years and the dude hasn’t once tried to speak a word of English. The fucker obviously understands it. Yet hes always jabbering on in his Wookie language grunting and growling like a dog in heat, refusing to speak the language of the people he surrounds himself with.
Think a little too highly of yourself to speak our common tongue eh, bro? You’ve just gotta keep on being “different,” don’t you? You better not come around my place of business speaking that garbage, Chewie. I’ll throw your ass the hell out.
Brody just bragged to his frat bros at the University of Georgia that, until he started school in the Fall, he had never met a minority that didn’t work for his Dad.
SMUG ALERT: Most Pretentious Twitter Bio Ever?
This guy sounds like a real asshole.
SMUG ALERT: Above It All
Christiana doesn’t use Facebook, or Twitter, or any other “antisocial networks” - not because she wouldn’t find them useful, but because she’s an artist, and that would be beneath her.
SMUG ALERT: The Yale Douche
Logan has a deep suspicion that he is going to wind up being President of the United States someday.
SMUG ALERT: Feeling A Little Lighter
Wayne just took a ferocious dump in the train’s bathroom, thereafter causing those seated in the toilet’s vicinity to move to the other side of the cabin.
SMUG ALERT: Running Without An iPod
Lauren doesn’t listen to music when she runs, because she believes that listening to the sound of the city around her makes her more “in tune” and “switched on” to the world than you.
SMUG ALERT: Philosophy Major
Chris, a philosophy major, looks to be on track to graduate magna cum laude from a small liberal arts college in May 2012. This President of the Philosophy Honors Society thinks he’s got it made.
Yet, once this smugster starts applying for jobs with “Bachelor of Arts, Philosophy” written at the top of his résumé, we can all say goodbye to that shit-eating-grin that he’s wearing in the picture above.
Submitting a résumé indicating that you were a philosophy major to a potential employer is just one step above submitting a blank sheet of paper that says “fuck you” on it.
This isn’t ancient Greece. No one is going to pay Chris money, or allow him to sodomize their attractive young son in exchange for his knowledge of existence. Nor has there ever been an employer who’s said, “man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from Plato’s Allegory of the Cave that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers.”
I took some philosophy classes in college and it involved reading and smoking a shit pile of weed. You don’t need to pay 35,000+ dollars a year to do that. All you need is twenty dollars, an apple, some shady friends, and a library card.
Put the book down and go get laid, Chris. In college, girls love you even when you’re unemployed. Out of college? Not so much.
SMUG ALERT: Smugger Than The Average Newly-Engaged
Rachel was just proposed to by her boyfriend, and the engagement ring he bought her is, like, three times as expensive as the one her sister got.
SMUG ALERT: Jeremy Lin Went To Harvard
Seriously? Jeremy Lin went to Harvard? As if those pretentious ivy league shits needed something else to be smug about.
SMUG ALERT: Cam Newton
I don’t want to say Cam Newton is smug, but every year on his birthday, he phones his mother to congratulate her.
SMUG ALERT: What Things Do YOU Enjoy That Are Considered Smug, Pretentious, or Snobby?
Richard enjoys vintage port, caviar, monocles, literary and film criticism, Belgian beer, opera, abstract performance art, and owning more than one sportcoat.
He also masturbates with his thumb and fore finger only, into a marble sink.
SMUG ALERT: Al Gore
Just prior to this shot being taken, Al sat down and ate a nice steamy bowl of his own shit. Shortly after that, he invented inventing.
SMUG ALERT: #HipsterProblems
Rudolph’s pretentious taste for American Spirit cigarettes is costing him twice as much as his ironic taste for Pabst Blue Ribbon.
